Official Daily Report

Starring:
· Hero 1 – Ah Chai
· Hero 2 – Kumar
· Hero 3 – Zamri
· Hero 4 – Ah Rhee
· Villain – Sally ‘the bitch’ Hadi

1. Bang your music as loud as possible.
Yeah! You heard it right. If you happen to have a pair of Philips speaker, a Technics amplifier and a computer, plug it in and play it out loud.

Pintu bilik Hero4 pernah diketuk oleh Villain (Malay bitch) itu untuk suruh dia memperlahankan lagu Groove Coverage “God Is a Girl”. Tidak lama lepas tu, ada mamat India Hero2 tu pulak kadang-kadang pasang lagu techno yang bassnya agak kuat dan pada waktu malam pulak tu, maklum la kalau subwoofer dah besar. Suatu pagi, Villain itu pun tampal satu notis kat pintu depan dengan bertulis “Can you please slow down your thumping bass, I want to sleep” tanpa menulis ditujukan kepada siapa. Hero2 ni pula nampak la, lepas tu dia koyak dan tampal notis baru yang bertulis “Fuck You”. Kesimpulannya, if you want to annoy the hell out of your Villain housemate. Play your music loud.

2. Park your car inconsiderately.
Untuk memendekkan cerita yang panjang; rumah tu ada la tempat parking tapi disebabkan parking, Hero4 yang biasanya baik hati dan kiut ni boleh gaduh dengan Villain tu. Sampai ‘macibai’ pun boleh terkeluar.

3. Wash your clothes at 2.00am (Yes, in the morning)
Ada sorang mamat chinese ni (Hero1), cuci kain jam 2 pagi. Lepas tu, entah kenapa dan tiba-tiba malay bitch ni pi maki Hero1 yang cuci kain lama-lama dan tidak pandai-pandai siap. Yes, the Malay bitch (villain) actually makes a scene in 2am just because that Hero1 use the bathroom too long. Hero4 was sleeping when he overheard both of them testing their debate skill.

4. Take your shower for 45 minutes or more during morning rush hour.
Hero3 ni kerja jam 7. Shift pagi so biasa la mandi jam 6.15 am. Ada ka dia dok syok syok mandi, malay bitch (villain) ni ketuk pintu bathroom suruh Hero3 ni keluar cepat sikit. Then pada hari yang lain, malay bitch ni pula mandi setengah jam dan tak reti-reti nak keluar lagi.

5. Tell stories bout her to the property owner.
Yang ni biasa la, apa yang pelik ialah pertanyaan landlord kepada hero4 mengenai perempuan gila buat hal? Sial betul, rupa-rupanya dah ada orang cucuk tu landlord dengan cerita cerita sensasi kat rumah. So Hero4 cuma boleh menambahkan cerita yang sedia ada, if someone already tell his story about sembilu part 1, then my story most probably about sembilu part 2. Same ‘actress’ but a story with a bit more image damaging effect to the villain we’re badmouthing.

6. Swear at each other.
Hero1 dah keluarkan ‘cibai’, ‘puki’ dan ‘lancau’. Hero3 pula restraint himself to convict any profanity while Hero2 just uttered ‘pa si mak siau’. And recent fiasco (20/06/2005) involving our rooms and kitchen area turn into open space swimming pool sparks another adhoc committee, attended by all members of parliament (Lim Kit Siang, Ong Ka Ting, Pak Lah and Samy Vellu) excluding the suspended wanita UMNO who was found guilty of letting the water run loose intentionally. (Any similarity to our political character is pure co-incident)

7. Kick her out from the house.
Like Pak Lah said, wanita UMNO has to be suspended because breach of BN spirits and parliament front line code of ethics. Yang DiPertuan Agong (property owner) decided to impose kick-her-out-from-the-house indefinitely meaning no fucking way she is come back into this house.